It's my last week of formal classes in PT school. Amidst studying for finals and saying goodbye to many dear friends, I'm packing up and getting ready for the move back to SC for internships this fall.
This morning I went to Starbucks to journal out some stuff and spend time with the Lord before going to Creekside for my last time worshipping there for a while. I had put in my favorite Hillsong CD and had turned up my favorite song as I made my way across town to the church. Singing, I turned left at a light and from out of nowhere there is a blue SUV on my right side that side swiped me and then kept going. Absolutely furious and pumping with adrenaline, I put my foot on the gas to try to make the guy pull over or at least get his tag number. As I glance in my rear view mirror, I see a cop come through the intersection. I took a deep breath and then watched as the cop passed me and pulled up behind the man who'd hit me. I pulled up and stopped behind the cop. It was only then that I kind of realized what had just happened and came unravelled. We pulled off to the side and figured everything out. The man was nice enough, and we got everything exchanged and went on our way.
By the time I actually got to church, I only caught the last 5-10minutes of the message and the last worship set. As I walked in, I was so tempted to be angry. Here I was, robbed of my last time worshipping in church, and I was tired and bitter - I'm trying Lord... why?? as I'm trying to study for finals and move and honor You in the process... why? The pastor was finishing up his message and I quieted my heart to listen. He said, "The very fact that the sun rose this morning, that the earth is still spinning, that the earth is still the distance it needs to be from the sun is evidence enough of God's faithfulness... not to mention the fact that He sent Christ to die for me. The question is, will we be faithful?" Wow, I am so tempted to look at my circumstances and complain and think that for some reason I deserve better or that this shouldn't have happened to me. NO! In that moment, I realized I could not let the schemes of Satan, those stupid little lies, twisted truths rob me of worshipping God. As they played the last worship set, I wept as I praised God that no one had been hurt, that there had been a cop who had seen it and chased the guy down, that i was able to call my dad and get his help, that I have 2 amazing roommates that I knew I could call and would come help me if I needed it, that I was a block from church, that I have a church body here... I could go on and on. God's hand was all over this morning.
After church, I had some people double check that I could actually drive my car home, which actually had it's own set of frustrations involved. I got frustrated as a guy first talked about how terrible Jeeps are and then berated me for how I was taking care of my car (buying the cheapest gas, where I get my oil changed, etc.) rather than just telling me whether I could get home or not, but in the end, I know he was trying to help and am thankful for that. I drove home, exhausted, thinking and praying "Lord, I am trying to praise you through this, to not be proud and be faithful, but this is a little much on top of finals and such."
I got home and shared the whole story with my roommate. She grabbed her Bible, opened it up to a page and told me to read vs. 2-4. It was James 1:2-4. Amidst the last few weeks of school, I had been feeling discouraged and had felt encouragement from a few passages that I e-mailed out to a few people in my class. On Thursday, one of my classmates walked up to me and thanked me for sharing and said he'd been reading in James. Familiar with the passage, I nodded my head and begrudgingly went back to studying.
So, when Elissa shared this same passage, i was overcome with... I don't even know what, just overwhelmed as I read over words I've seen and heard so many times, but that now had such a fresh meaning: "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."
Indeed, pasa chara (greek for count it all joy and my apartments motto the past year). God is so faithful. I can't take the little everyday things for granted because they prove to me each day that my God is so good and faithful. And He sent His Son to walk a perfect life on this earth and die on my behalf. Is there anything more God could have done for me? Is there anything else I deserve? Certainly not... that is more than enough. I won't let circumstances rob me of the joy and peace there is in surrender and worship of my King and my Father.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Thoughts for today
The last few weeks, I have been participating in my first clinical internship. My first internship has been at a hospital, and I have absolutely loved it. I have worked primarily with neuro patients who tend to be pleasantly confused about life, which presents many challenges but usually offers some humor as well. The way I see it, when you are as sick as some of these patients are or have been through what some of them have, I'd much rather be out of my mind and flying around the world and through time in my imagination as well.
The past few weeks we have bounced around to some different floors, cardiac, med-surg, other ICUs, etc. We have stumbled upon some characters in these adventures. One in particular that will stick out in my mind for a while was a man who was born just before the Depression. He and his roommate commiserated as they told us stories about growing up with only 2 hours worth of radio broadcasting per week, with no TV, etc. etc. Kind of that some old "you young folks don't realize how good you have it" lesson. Which is very true.
In high school, one of our teachers made us read Tom Brokaw's The Greatest Generation, a compilation of interviews and stories of this generation that grew up during the Depression, then fought valiantly through 2 world wars, stuck together through all the turmoil of the mid-1900s and now comprise our dwindling elderly generation. I grew to admire this generation through this book and through many talks and interviews with grandparents. They have so much wisdom; they've been through so much and yet remain so humble and self-less.
Then today happened. I heard about Osama bin Ladin's killing today at the hospital, but was kind of out of the loop as to what actually happened. So, I came home and youtubed Obama's speech he gave last night announcing what had happened. I was overwhelmed as he spoke about the families of those killed on 9/11 and about the unity we experienced as a nation around that time. But what brought me to tears was when he spoke of our troops and a generation that has paid the majority of the price during this war. It hit me as I thought of friends, family, family of friends, young men and women so close to me that are part of different branches of the armed forces, those that dream of serving one day, my generation. I tend to be pretty tough on my generation here in America, judgmental at times of the rebellion and lack of responsibility and integrity I see in many around me. But today, I was thankful. We have been through a lot since 2001 when many of us still lived with our parents and were under a naive impression of what the world had to offer us. We entered a different world than that of generations before us, and so many have valiantly stepped up to the plate to serve those around them and fight for justice and peace no matter the cost.
I have wondered at times if we could ever experience anything like "the greatest generation" again, if anyone would ever look back on the legacy we leave with that sort of admiration and praise. With today's revelation, I can't help but think that 50 or 60 years down the road, we, my friends, my generation, will be those telling tales in the hospital rooms of a time when we once again answered the call and fought bravely in the face of evil. Many things the past decade have marked us and refined us, causing us to mature in ways I hope are not easily forgotten.
The past few weeks we have bounced around to some different floors, cardiac, med-surg, other ICUs, etc. We have stumbled upon some characters in these adventures. One in particular that will stick out in my mind for a while was a man who was born just before the Depression. He and his roommate commiserated as they told us stories about growing up with only 2 hours worth of radio broadcasting per week, with no TV, etc. etc. Kind of that some old "you young folks don't realize how good you have it" lesson. Which is very true.
In high school, one of our teachers made us read Tom Brokaw's The Greatest Generation, a compilation of interviews and stories of this generation that grew up during the Depression, then fought valiantly through 2 world wars, stuck together through all the turmoil of the mid-1900s and now comprise our dwindling elderly generation. I grew to admire this generation through this book and through many talks and interviews with grandparents. They have so much wisdom; they've been through so much and yet remain so humble and self-less.
Then today happened. I heard about Osama bin Ladin's killing today at the hospital, but was kind of out of the loop as to what actually happened. So, I came home and youtubed Obama's speech he gave last night announcing what had happened. I was overwhelmed as he spoke about the families of those killed on 9/11 and about the unity we experienced as a nation around that time. But what brought me to tears was when he spoke of our troops and a generation that has paid the majority of the price during this war. It hit me as I thought of friends, family, family of friends, young men and women so close to me that are part of different branches of the armed forces, those that dream of serving one day, my generation. I tend to be pretty tough on my generation here in America, judgmental at times of the rebellion and lack of responsibility and integrity I see in many around me. But today, I was thankful. We have been through a lot since 2001 when many of us still lived with our parents and were under a naive impression of what the world had to offer us. We entered a different world than that of generations before us, and so many have valiantly stepped up to the plate to serve those around them and fight for justice and peace no matter the cost.
I have wondered at times if we could ever experience anything like "the greatest generation" again, if anyone would ever look back on the legacy we leave with that sort of admiration and praise. With today's revelation, I can't help but think that 50 or 60 years down the road, we, my friends, my generation, will be those telling tales in the hospital rooms of a time when we once again answered the call and fought bravely in the face of evil. Many things the past decade have marked us and refined us, causing us to mature in ways I hope are not easily forgotten.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
A Grieved Heart
I find myself in a familiar place as just a few years ago when there was a similar blow. Once again grounded on the Rock, but grieved as others fall away. Not understanding in many ways how what once was, how that time shaped me to be who I am today, how it could be so different for them, how this is even possible. Yet, the deceiver is good at just that. My heart aches for dear, dear friends. And I'm at a loss for what to say or think in response to them. Believing and knowing what I know, how can I help but mourn. There can be no patting on the head and telling of "it'll be okay" when everything inside me screams the contrary, the Truth. What does it look like to love as Christ did and does in this situation?
But even more so, my heart mourns for the church, the church that is shooting its wounded and is paralyzed by religion. My soul cries that God's perfect design is being so desecrated that it is chasing people away and forcing them to turn to the things of the world, rather than embracing the broken and hurting; that it is compromising in order to be relevant rather than preaching the Truth the world so desperately needs to hear; that the church, the 'already' part of the kingdom of God is defiling the name of Christ.
To you dear friends, I do love you and miss running the race with each of you during the days of The Standing Stones and many stumblings of life :) Yes, the church is a perfect design made up of imperfect people, and it has failed miserably. God will redeem all things. How can we learn of the unsearchable, incomprehensible Yhwh of the Tnk and run away because of man? I obviously can't understand exactly what each of you is processing through; I can only describe to you my testimony of the beauty of God's design in the church body He has given me. A body that, though very much imperfect, is real with one another and strives to be close enough to hurt one another. In other words, close enough to avoid the stained-glass masquerade and to challenge one another in this walk. A family, a community, accountability, spurring one another on in love as we shine as a light into this dark and lost world, challenging one another not only to be hearers of the Word, but doers as well, not so we feel good about ourselves or puff ourselves up to somehow become good enough for salvation (our best deeds are filthy rags before God's holiness), but because of the magnitude of grace given to us through Jesus Christ.
I can't even imagine trying to keep this up on my own without these people He's given me to speak into my life, including you guys. In fact, it can't be done as a loner. Don't believe the lie. The local church, not this worldly picture of organized religion you may have, is so important in that. And yes, once again, we suck and therefore, the church has some massive downfalls, but the answer is not abandoning it. I submit it's long term active repentance and humbly seeking God alone and His will in advancing the gospel to the ends of the earth, fearing God and not man.
Just some thoughts from my perspective. I will never understand this side of eternity why sovereignly I was led to Mountain View and Crossway while you guys only found hypocrisy and hurt. I don't understand how the passion unleashed in us during our few years at Boiling Springs has become null and void for the majority of us at this point. What seemed so real to me then has been so easily swept under a rug for you now. I know most of them would say they did have something real then, but how could it have been real without being life changing?
Confused, I press on, praying God will give me the wisdom and boldness to love on people so they may know His joy and peace and complete fulfillment. With all of this tumbling down around me, I look to the next month and the opportunity to serve in Czech teaching English camp to high school students and encouraging the youth group there. A resurgence of passion for youth ministry, I think back on my girls in Fort Collins and pray fervently for God to use this time to change their lives and impress upon them the glory of His name and its fulfillment above all things. I pray they wouldn't face the struggles of my youth group. I pray for the leaders there and here in Wilmington, that God will use them to point them only to Christ. I pray that God would use my time with Mountain View's youth group last year, in Czech this summer, and my future hopefully in youth ministry to truly change their lives and perspective on the world. That despite anything they will face, it is Christ alone in whom they rest, not their families, the structure of the church, their friends, their activities or the everyday dramas that will seem so trivial in hindsight... that none of that will separate them from the love that God has for them. Lord, please use me to prevent this pain and loss in their lives.
But even more so, my heart mourns for the church, the church that is shooting its wounded and is paralyzed by religion. My soul cries that God's perfect design is being so desecrated that it is chasing people away and forcing them to turn to the things of the world, rather than embracing the broken and hurting; that it is compromising in order to be relevant rather than preaching the Truth the world so desperately needs to hear; that the church, the 'already' part of the kingdom of God is defiling the name of Christ.
To you dear friends, I do love you and miss running the race with each of you during the days of The Standing Stones and many stumblings of life :) Yes, the church is a perfect design made up of imperfect people, and it has failed miserably. God will redeem all things. How can we learn of the unsearchable, incomprehensible Yhwh of the Tnk and run away because of man? I obviously can't understand exactly what each of you is processing through; I can only describe to you my testimony of the beauty of God's design in the church body He has given me. A body that, though very much imperfect, is real with one another and strives to be close enough to hurt one another. In other words, close enough to avoid the stained-glass masquerade and to challenge one another in this walk. A family, a community, accountability, spurring one another on in love as we shine as a light into this dark and lost world, challenging one another not only to be hearers of the Word, but doers as well, not so we feel good about ourselves or puff ourselves up to somehow become good enough for salvation (our best deeds are filthy rags before God's holiness), but because of the magnitude of grace given to us through Jesus Christ.
I can't even imagine trying to keep this up on my own without these people He's given me to speak into my life, including you guys. In fact, it can't be done as a loner. Don't believe the lie. The local church, not this worldly picture of organized religion you may have, is so important in that. And yes, once again, we suck and therefore, the church has some massive downfalls, but the answer is not abandoning it. I submit it's long term active repentance and humbly seeking God alone and His will in advancing the gospel to the ends of the earth, fearing God and not man.
It's so easy to think "Oh, well you just found a good one with good people." No, we are just as wretched as the people of Boiling Springs; it's only through humility and God's grace this place is possible. Broken people submitting to God's design and the truth found in His Word, focusing on Him and not our own agendas (and we're all guilty of missing that). It's easy to point fingers: "if only they did..." or "if only they said..." That reeks of the arrogance you claim to dislike so much about the church, because the church isn't about your desires, it's about Him. He is good; He is sovereign; He wants to give each of us good things; He will come in judgement. Cling to Him alone before an audience of One. Repent, come before His throne, cast your crowns at His feet and bask in the pleasures forevermore at His right hand.
Just some thoughts from my perspective. I will never understand this side of eternity why sovereignly I was led to Mountain View and Crossway while you guys only found hypocrisy and hurt. I don't understand how the passion unleashed in us during our few years at Boiling Springs has become null and void for the majority of us at this point. What seemed so real to me then has been so easily swept under a rug for you now. I know most of them would say they did have something real then, but how could it have been real without being life changing?
Confused, I press on, praying God will give me the wisdom and boldness to love on people so they may know His joy and peace and complete fulfillment. With all of this tumbling down around me, I look to the next month and the opportunity to serve in Czech teaching English camp to high school students and encouraging the youth group there. A resurgence of passion for youth ministry, I think back on my girls in Fort Collins and pray fervently for God to use this time to change their lives and impress upon them the glory of His name and its fulfillment above all things. I pray they wouldn't face the struggles of my youth group. I pray for the leaders there and here in Wilmington, that God will use them to point them only to Christ. I pray that God would use my time with Mountain View's youth group last year, in Czech this summer, and my future hopefully in youth ministry to truly change their lives and perspective on the world. That despite anything they will face, it is Christ alone in whom they rest, not their families, the structure of the church, their friends, their activities or the everyday dramas that will seem so trivial in hindsight... that none of that will separate them from the love that God has for them. Lord, please use me to prevent this pain and loss in their lives.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Ponderings of a 'Galapagosian' Turtle
What a down right crappy day!
No hours at Panera yet again. The trouble with the video file. On the brink of collapse from what seems like an endless, hopeless struggle emotionally. Babysitting... not my favorite still. Then my car getting hit and the hassle that ensued about calling the insurance company and such. Home and tears over just not knowing what to do. Grateful for the beautiful design of men and women and for the provision of my daddy stepping in to take care of his little girl. As I whine and complain about the man desert, I forgot the beautiful design that I am still under my dad's household and that he is a man of God and will take care of me no matter what or where I am. Love him.
And then, getting away to read and journal at Panera, I enter reluctantly into a conversation with a co-worker. Czech comes up and I was able to share with her why I was going and my mission there and about the people and their ignorance of the gospel. Tears began welling up as I described Tomas last year explaining he'd never heard this before and needed some time to grapple with the truth, as I thought and talked about our brothers and sisters in the LightHouse church there battling each and every day in a country where you are made fun of and ridiculed publically for identifying with Christ or evangelizing in any way. Just reading a news story and blog about this and the cold hearts of the Czech people. Tears as a feeling of joy and fulfillment came over me.
"This is what I was made for!" Yes, so distracted and stressed over the past few days... lonely and abandoned as I sought fulfillment in anything and everything. Loving people because Christ loves me... that's what I was made for! Taking the gospel to people who have never heard the good news of salvation, of salvation by grace alone and not by anything we can do for ourselves. That resonates with my heart like nothing else in this world can.
Praise God for He is indeed good and does desire to give me good things. He doesn't just give good things; He wants to give me good things.
No hours at Panera yet again. The trouble with the video file. On the brink of collapse from what seems like an endless, hopeless struggle emotionally. Babysitting... not my favorite still. Then my car getting hit and the hassle that ensued about calling the insurance company and such. Home and tears over just not knowing what to do. Grateful for the beautiful design of men and women and for the provision of my daddy stepping in to take care of his little girl. As I whine and complain about the man desert, I forgot the beautiful design that I am still under my dad's household and that he is a man of God and will take care of me no matter what or where I am. Love him.
And then, getting away to read and journal at Panera, I enter reluctantly into a conversation with a co-worker. Czech comes up and I was able to share with her why I was going and my mission there and about the people and their ignorance of the gospel. Tears began welling up as I described Tomas last year explaining he'd never heard this before and needed some time to grapple with the truth, as I thought and talked about our brothers and sisters in the LightHouse church there battling each and every day in a country where you are made fun of and ridiculed publically for identifying with Christ or evangelizing in any way. Just reading a news story and blog about this and the cold hearts of the Czech people. Tears as a feeling of joy and fulfillment came over me.
"This is what I was made for!" Yes, so distracted and stressed over the past few days... lonely and abandoned as I sought fulfillment in anything and everything. Loving people because Christ loves me... that's what I was made for! Taking the gospel to people who have never heard the good news of salvation, of salvation by grace alone and not by anything we can do for ourselves. That resonates with my heart like nothing else in this world can.
Praise God for He is indeed good and does desire to give me good things. He doesn't just give good things; He wants to give me good things.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
One of those weeks...months even.
*A rambling post... be forewarned*
You ever have those weeks, months where everything you touch just seems to crumble in your hands, the anti-Midas touch, you could say. You can't seem to get anything right and are stripped bare for the absolute failure that you really are. You realize how much you try to please man and the world around you, and when that falls through, you are left with this incredibly empty and distressed chasm somewhere in the chest and abdomen area.
Yea, well, it's been like that for me here lately. I know in my head that, as a believer in Christ, I am a new creation and no longer live for the things of this world, for people's approval of me, but I am simply tired of this struggle. I am so tired of being stressed about these things and after so much begging for it to just go away, to be removed, because I know I can't do it myself; I need help... yet here I still am, hurting, alone, and not sure where to turn.
I hold my stress in my shoulders, and in high school, my shoulders were knots all the time. I am surprised I didn't get migraines or headaches of any kind from the shear intensity of the tension through my shoulders... my riding and guitar instructors just hated it! This continued a while in college, but I'd say over the past year or so, the burden has been lifted quite literally off my back and shoulders. However, this morning I woke up and there was a familiar ache, that despite my massaging, relaxing and shoulder rolling was right there.
Uggggggggghhhh!
"Stop trying so hard to stop trying so hard." Lyrics from a favorite band linger in my mind. How do you stop trying so hard to stop trying so hard???
It's in these times, I begin to dream though. Discontentment in the here and now? Dream of what may be. Maybe not the greatest idea, but for now it helps.
PT school just around the corner. Ok, stomach officially turning over... further in the future then.
May 2012 - Leah Cameron Taylor, DPT.
What now?
I do have an exciting opportunity to get plugged back into youth ministry when I am in Gainesville. I have loved college ministry, but feel like youth ministry maybe a more long term place for me. Even just this afternoon... thinking on what to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon... bucket ball? photo scavenger hunt? roaming gnomes? where's waldo? oh, good times. But even sweeter were the quiet small group discussions with my girls, laughing yes, but diving deep into Scripture and allowing God to bring it to their "level"... not that we're bringing it down, so to speak, but just into their lives and minds, lives that haven't yet began to understand the oppression and pressures of the world. To see them step outside of themselves and see people as Christ does, even if just for a brief moment as we serve someone or they confess they've been wretched to their little brother and need prayer for that. I think what I miss most of all about youth ministry and even college ministry a bit in Colorado (a bit here too but we really didn't get quite to this point) is their willingness and "up for anything"-ness. I miss wishing we had some alone time at our house, rather than wishing the opposite. I miss long afternoons of Ultimate, kickball, volleyball, hot cocoa and games, and how those always managed to generate incredible conversations that I still look back on challenged. How do you replicate that? How do you foster that in other groups? That'd be the million dollar question for the summer here. Is it simply time? Obviously, it's totally the Lord leading, but surely there's some responsibility or steps we can take?
Something else I miss is just knowing that I was completely inadequate but that God was using me anyway. I think that's why Czech was such a turning point for me. And here I am trying to take control and fighting it ever so hard, but in the end, ultimately knowing I can't do it, but somehow Christ will triumph victory over my flesh. Just wish it wasn't so painful right now.
Anyways... back to 2012. My goal is to go to the Olympics in London after I graduate. Not to compete or anything, just to go. And then depending on whatever loan repayment looks like, to continue to go. Matthew 28:20, Acts 13-20 style GO. South America, Africa, South Pacific, Europe... sharing Jesus and rehabing people. Or maybe I'll be taking a fellowship in Vail, CO working with world-class athletes, shining and sharing there. Or perhaps in that log cabin on top of the hill from my parents' house on the family farm, working at Moore Ortho clinic (where it all started for me), helping with church plants and youth ministry and taking short term medical projects...
Big dreams. What other way is there to dream? Especially trusting in Jeremiah 29:11, and knowing that all the things I can fathom are really nothing compared to God's plan for my life and the blessing and goodness He has in store.
But, to be honest, thinking on these things and thinking of doing them alone scares me. I desire a running buddy in this race. Before the fall of mankind in Eden, Adam was alone in sinless, full fellowship with God, and it was not good for him to be alone. I sense and feel that more now than ever. Yes, I have the almighty King of the universe abiding in me, and that is enough. He is more than enough and will be in whatever He has in store, but yea... so strange as a single girl trying to figure out a place in ministry and just plan life. what does it look like? seems like a silly question even as I post these big dreams I have, but in light of this year...
Oh... i just don't know anymore. Just trust. By faith, Enoch walked with God. By faith.
You ever have those weeks, months where everything you touch just seems to crumble in your hands, the anti-Midas touch, you could say. You can't seem to get anything right and are stripped bare for the absolute failure that you really are. You realize how much you try to please man and the world around you, and when that falls through, you are left with this incredibly empty and distressed chasm somewhere in the chest and abdomen area.
Yea, well, it's been like that for me here lately. I know in my head that, as a believer in Christ, I am a new creation and no longer live for the things of this world, for people's approval of me, but I am simply tired of this struggle. I am so tired of being stressed about these things and after so much begging for it to just go away, to be removed, because I know I can't do it myself; I need help... yet here I still am, hurting, alone, and not sure where to turn.
I hold my stress in my shoulders, and in high school, my shoulders were knots all the time. I am surprised I didn't get migraines or headaches of any kind from the shear intensity of the tension through my shoulders... my riding and guitar instructors just hated it! This continued a while in college, but I'd say over the past year or so, the burden has been lifted quite literally off my back and shoulders. However, this morning I woke up and there was a familiar ache, that despite my massaging, relaxing and shoulder rolling was right there.
Uggggggggghhhh!
"Stop trying so hard to stop trying so hard." Lyrics from a favorite band linger in my mind. How do you stop trying so hard to stop trying so hard???
It's in these times, I begin to dream though. Discontentment in the here and now? Dream of what may be. Maybe not the greatest idea, but for now it helps.
PT school just around the corner. Ok, stomach officially turning over... further in the future then.
May 2012 - Leah Cameron Taylor, DPT.
What now?
I do have an exciting opportunity to get plugged back into youth ministry when I am in Gainesville. I have loved college ministry, but feel like youth ministry maybe a more long term place for me. Even just this afternoon... thinking on what to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon... bucket ball? photo scavenger hunt? roaming gnomes? where's waldo? oh, good times. But even sweeter were the quiet small group discussions with my girls, laughing yes, but diving deep into Scripture and allowing God to bring it to their "level"... not that we're bringing it down, so to speak, but just into their lives and minds, lives that haven't yet began to understand the oppression and pressures of the world. To see them step outside of themselves and see people as Christ does, even if just for a brief moment as we serve someone or they confess they've been wretched to their little brother and need prayer for that. I think what I miss most of all about youth ministry and even college ministry a bit in Colorado (a bit here too but we really didn't get quite to this point) is their willingness and "up for anything"-ness. I miss wishing we had some alone time at our house, rather than wishing the opposite. I miss long afternoons of Ultimate, kickball, volleyball, hot cocoa and games, and how those always managed to generate incredible conversations that I still look back on challenged. How do you replicate that? How do you foster that in other groups? That'd be the million dollar question for the summer here. Is it simply time? Obviously, it's totally the Lord leading, but surely there's some responsibility or steps we can take?
Something else I miss is just knowing that I was completely inadequate but that God was using me anyway. I think that's why Czech was such a turning point for me. And here I am trying to take control and fighting it ever so hard, but in the end, ultimately knowing I can't do it, but somehow Christ will triumph victory over my flesh. Just wish it wasn't so painful right now.
Anyways... back to 2012. My goal is to go to the Olympics in London after I graduate. Not to compete or anything, just to go. And then depending on whatever loan repayment looks like, to continue to go. Matthew 28:20, Acts 13-20 style GO. South America, Africa, South Pacific, Europe... sharing Jesus and rehabing people. Or maybe I'll be taking a fellowship in Vail, CO working with world-class athletes, shining and sharing there. Or perhaps in that log cabin on top of the hill from my parents' house on the family farm, working at Moore Ortho clinic (where it all started for me), helping with church plants and youth ministry and taking short term medical projects...
Big dreams. What other way is there to dream? Especially trusting in Jeremiah 29:11, and knowing that all the things I can fathom are really nothing compared to God's plan for my life and the blessing and goodness He has in store.
But, to be honest, thinking on these things and thinking of doing them alone scares me. I desire a running buddy in this race. Before the fall of mankind in Eden, Adam was alone in sinless, full fellowship with God, and it was not good for him to be alone. I sense and feel that more now than ever. Yes, I have the almighty King of the universe abiding in me, and that is enough. He is more than enough and will be in whatever He has in store, but yea... so strange as a single girl trying to figure out a place in ministry and just plan life. what does it look like? seems like a silly question even as I post these big dreams I have, but in light of this year...
Oh... i just don't know anymore. Just trust. By faith, Enoch walked with God. By faith.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
25 Random Things about me...
1. Not random at all, but rather sovereignly ordained to be a follower of Christ and heir to His promise
2. I tend to get caught up in worship... not a bad thing, except when I am driving (I have almost rear-ended people) and also when I am skiing, a recent discovery.
3. Underneath whatever outer clothing I might be forced to put on for the day usually you can find a pair of soccer socks
4. If you would have told me one year ago where and what I am doing right now, I would have laughed really really hard... one of those can't breathe/abs hurting/still sore the next day kind of laughs... yet here I am in Wilmington, NC working with a churchplant and college group and on my way to PT school. God is mighty and good.
5. My heart has been stolen... by two of the cutest little babies you have ever seen... and a few horses over the years :)
6. In a little over three years, Lord willing, you can call me Dr. Taylor, but I think I'll definitely still prefer Cam
7. My first name is not Cameron.
8. 8 is my favorite number! (mostly because of my birthday: 8/8 and it was my soccer number)
9. I was put in a guys' dorm for my first summer camp experience... obviously this was fixed quickly, but still makes me laugh a bit today
10. Prague is the most ro-tic city in the world. haha
11. Apparently the day my sister was born, I had a banana in the car on the way to the hospital, and my grandma could never figure out what happened to the banana peel... a story I heard about annually for 18 years.
12. I really detest squash, and one of my poor mother's goals in life is that I will at least learn to tolerate it... sorry mom.
13. I managed to ride and show horses for 6 months, play soccer, tennis, attempted to surf and skim board, all with a completely ruptured ACL, completely unbeknownst to moi!
14. God made me a cake to celebrate my getting into PT school (and I'm not even kidding...ask me about it)
15. I love having inside jokes and quotes with people.
16. When I was little, I hated going to the freezer/cooler section of the grocery store because it was so cold. Mom always saved it til last and used leaving soon to make me cooperate. Still today, I rush through those parts of the store hating being cold... and yet, it didn't bother me moving to Colorado...
17. I love road trips. Just going on a good long drive is one way I deal with stress. Those long, flat roads east of Fort Collins were frequented by me over the college years.
18. At heart, I am an absolutely hopeless romantic... :) you can ask my roommates about this one
19. I ran track in jr. high school, and after 2 years of 2 mi/1mi/800m meets, I decided to play soccer... at least if I was running around in circles, I could kick a ball. And she's been hooked ever since.
20. I grew up less than a mile from all of my 1st cousins on my Dad's side and over the river (well, creek) and through the woods from my grandmother's house. My childhood was a bit Tom Sawyer-esque, classic Southern country community full of fun and adventure... I still call my parent's house Neverland; and I still crave "adventure in the great wide somewhere." I'm a Southern and country girl at heart who ventured out west for 4 years of college and now I'm stuck in the city for a while longer...:-( but I suppose I learn a thing or two while I'm here. I still prefer the country life, but I can hold my own with the city slickers too.
21. Worship under a blanket of stars on a chilly night in the mountains is one of my all time favorite things, especially preceded by a drive-in movie.
22. My 16th birthday was a pig pickin' with my family :-) and my 21st birthday was 36 hours long and in 3 different countries. I actually turned 21 on the Charles Bridge in Prague with some awesome Czech friends, a bottle of champagne, and a two finger American smile!
23. My all time favorite Disney scene is the reprise of "Belle" in Beauty and the Beast... the one where she sings in the meadow: "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere! I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned."
24. Some day, I'd love to go the wrong way down a one way and get me a grilled cheese sandwich, but for now, I'm waiting patiently :-)
(only 3, maybe 4, people in the world understand this :-)
25. I despise change, and am beginning to really dread the month of August (sad, since it's my birthday) because it has been a time of drastic change over the past few years... and will continue this year... however, it has been during these times that God grows me the most and draws me closer to Him in dependence. Counting it all loss and pressing on for the sake of the gospel.
Hebrews 12:1-3
2. I tend to get caught up in worship... not a bad thing, except when I am driving (I have almost rear-ended people) and also when I am skiing, a recent discovery.
3. Underneath whatever outer clothing I might be forced to put on for the day usually you can find a pair of soccer socks
4. If you would have told me one year ago where and what I am doing right now, I would have laughed really really hard... one of those can't breathe/abs hurting/still sore the next day kind of laughs... yet here I am in Wilmington, NC working with a churchplant and college group and on my way to PT school. God is mighty and good.
5. My heart has been stolen... by two of the cutest little babies you have ever seen... and a few horses over the years :)
6. In a little over three years, Lord willing, you can call me Dr. Taylor, but I think I'll definitely still prefer Cam
7. My first name is not Cameron.
8. 8 is my favorite number! (mostly because of my birthday: 8/8 and it was my soccer number)
9. I was put in a guys' dorm for my first summer camp experience... obviously this was fixed quickly, but still makes me laugh a bit today
10. Prague is the most ro-tic city in the world. haha
11. Apparently the day my sister was born, I had a banana in the car on the way to the hospital, and my grandma could never figure out what happened to the banana peel... a story I heard about annually for 18 years.
12. I really detest squash, and one of my poor mother's goals in life is that I will at least learn to tolerate it... sorry mom.
13. I managed to ride and show horses for 6 months, play soccer, tennis, attempted to surf and skim board, all with a completely ruptured ACL, completely unbeknownst to moi!
14. God made me a cake to celebrate my getting into PT school (and I'm not even kidding...ask me about it)
15. I love having inside jokes and quotes with people.
16. When I was little, I hated going to the freezer/cooler section of the grocery store because it was so cold. Mom always saved it til last and used leaving soon to make me cooperate. Still today, I rush through those parts of the store hating being cold... and yet, it didn't bother me moving to Colorado...
17. I love road trips. Just going on a good long drive is one way I deal with stress. Those long, flat roads east of Fort Collins were frequented by me over the college years.
18. At heart, I am an absolutely hopeless romantic... :) you can ask my roommates about this one
19. I ran track in jr. high school, and after 2 years of 2 mi/1mi/800m meets, I decided to play soccer... at least if I was running around in circles, I could kick a ball. And she's been hooked ever since.
20. I grew up less than a mile from all of my 1st cousins on my Dad's side and over the river (well, creek) and through the woods from my grandmother's house. My childhood was a bit Tom Sawyer-esque, classic Southern country community full of fun and adventure... I still call my parent's house Neverland; and I still crave "adventure in the great wide somewhere." I'm a Southern and country girl at heart who ventured out west for 4 years of college and now I'm stuck in the city for a while longer...:-( but I suppose I learn a thing or two while I'm here. I still prefer the country life, but I can hold my own with the city slickers too.
21. Worship under a blanket of stars on a chilly night in the mountains is one of my all time favorite things, especially preceded by a drive-in movie.
22. My 16th birthday was a pig pickin' with my family :-) and my 21st birthday was 36 hours long and in 3 different countries. I actually turned 21 on the Charles Bridge in Prague with some awesome Czech friends, a bottle of champagne, and a two finger American smile!
23. My all time favorite Disney scene is the reprise of "Belle" in Beauty and the Beast... the one where she sings in the meadow: "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere! I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned."
24. Some day, I'd love to go the wrong way down a one way and get me a grilled cheese sandwich, but for now, I'm waiting patiently :-)
(only 3, maybe 4, people in the world understand this :-)
25. I despise change, and am beginning to really dread the month of August (sad, since it's my birthday) because it has been a time of drastic change over the past few years... and will continue this year... however, it has been during these times that God grows me the most and draws me closer to Him in dependence. Counting it all loss and pressing on for the sake of the gospel.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Invincible
Invincible... oh oh oh... Invincible.
Name that song :)
This struck me today:
In the words of John Bunyan talking to his wife from his prison cell on Christmas Day: "I only want the will of God for my life, Bitsy. Paul did some of his most important work in prison. When my bail was refused by Chief Justice Compton, God sweetly met me here in the prison, comforting and satisfying me that it was His will that I should be here. Not one hair of my head can fall to the ground without the will of my Father who is in heaven. Let the rage and malice of men do what they will, they can go no farther and do no more than God permits. And even when they have done their worst, we can know that 'all things work together for good to them that love God.' We must be patient and wait."
Whoa. To live life with that peace, especially after reading the turmoil he went through just in his salvation. hmmmm... Eze. 2:3-4 (i think) just about preaching no matter what the response is. Invincible until God calls me home. What does this mean for me? Me, a single girl in today's crazy world seeking to run her hardest after the Lord; just how does that play out in ministry? This last year has been a bit of a crash course in it, with definite times of seeing God's design, and others of not so much and it crumbling. So, here I am, a childlike, joyful Southern gone Colorado girl with an international heart. Here I am; send me; show me my piece in Your infinite plan and give me strength to be obedient and follow wherever that road may take me, to make much of You and less of me.
Strange thinking of that this week. It has been a better week, but still rough in many ways, just being stripped and laid bare before the Lord as He works things out in me that have stood between me and Him for a while now, and I didn't even realize it. One of those things I myself just cannot battle anymore, and I want finished, but just keeps nagging and nagging away at me, and then as I succumb, the Lord enters in and tears it away. I am weary; I desire peace and contentment, to just be finished. On the cross, Christ said "It is finished." Sin, Death, you have no hold over me, no sting, for not a hair on my head will be lost without the will of my Father. How much more does He care for and ordain my struggles and ordeals and desire to redeem me through them. uggh, so insane to wrap my head around! I want to run to Him and nothing else. In fact, in this particular realm, nothing really is left it seems... but i felt that way a week ago as well. Stupid world.
*Sorry if this makes no sense, but just had to lay it out there. Tomorrow need to type up some college group update type stuff. Note to self.
Name that song :)
This struck me today:
In the words of John Bunyan talking to his wife from his prison cell on Christmas Day: "I only want the will of God for my life, Bitsy. Paul did some of his most important work in prison. When my bail was refused by Chief Justice Compton, God sweetly met me here in the prison, comforting and satisfying me that it was His will that I should be here. Not one hair of my head can fall to the ground without the will of my Father who is in heaven. Let the rage and malice of men do what they will, they can go no farther and do no more than God permits. And even when they have done their worst, we can know that 'all things work together for good to them that love God.' We must be patient and wait."
Whoa. To live life with that peace, especially after reading the turmoil he went through just in his salvation. hmmmm... Eze. 2:3-4 (i think) just about preaching no matter what the response is. Invincible until God calls me home. What does this mean for me? Me, a single girl in today's crazy world seeking to run her hardest after the Lord; just how does that play out in ministry? This last year has been a bit of a crash course in it, with definite times of seeing God's design, and others of not so much and it crumbling. So, here I am, a childlike, joyful Southern gone Colorado girl with an international heart. Here I am; send me; show me my piece in Your infinite plan and give me strength to be obedient and follow wherever that road may take me, to make much of You and less of me.
Strange thinking of that this week. It has been a better week, but still rough in many ways, just being stripped and laid bare before the Lord as He works things out in me that have stood between me and Him for a while now, and I didn't even realize it. One of those things I myself just cannot battle anymore, and I want finished, but just keeps nagging and nagging away at me, and then as I succumb, the Lord enters in and tears it away. I am weary; I desire peace and contentment, to just be finished. On the cross, Christ said "It is finished." Sin, Death, you have no hold over me, no sting, for not a hair on my head will be lost without the will of my Father. How much more does He care for and ordain my struggles and ordeals and desire to redeem me through them. uggh, so insane to wrap my head around! I want to run to Him and nothing else. In fact, in this particular realm, nothing really is left it seems... but i felt that way a week ago as well. Stupid world.
*Sorry if this makes no sense, but just had to lay it out there. Tomorrow need to type up some college group update type stuff. Note to self.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Stand
Hillsong United lyrics - The Stand
album: United We Stand (2006)
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
From "Savior King" by Hillsong
Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life
album: United We Stand (2006)
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
From "Savior King" by Hillsong
Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life
Friday, January 30, 2009
How in the world did I get here?
Yesterday, I found out I was accepted to the University of Florida's PT school for this fall. Elated, I began to allow myself to think on the dreams I have dreamt over the past 6 months. It kind of all came out in a conversation last night with one of my best friends. "I think God is giving me a heart for Africa..." "What? How serious is this? Since when? How did it happen? What are you thinking?" Her questions have sobered me. This is not going to Disney World. Missions anywhere is something I HAVE to be called to, not just go for the adventure and fun of it. I must go to seeking God alone and nothing else. but still... I recall just under 2 years ago a conversation where I confidently stated that I did not feel called internationally. What changed?
With that, I began looking back over my journals from the past 6 months or so to investigate just how God did get me here...
It all started probably with going to Czech 2 years ago (nothing like going international to ignite an international heart :) and then seeking a career I could go internationally with. I was leaning towards PT a lot, but couldn't find very many opportunities overseas. Then, graduation came.
Shortly after, I was blessed to meet and talk to Laura Rhodes. Her husband is a missionary doctor in Kenya. She encouraged me so much by talking about how much they need physical therapists there, and also just hearing a tiny bit of a first hand account of their life there.
Then, God sent me down to the tiny town of Springfield, Colorado to get PT hours with the PT there. She originally went into physical therapy for the mission opportunities, and so I spent a week talking about those opportunities with her, and finally spending time with a PT I didn't feel was just "pushing a rock up a hill" each day.
September 25th on a day trip to Greenville, NC to visit East Carolina University's PT Dept.
Fall has quickly set in, and with it comes a sense of nostalgia. As I drove down two lane roads between cottonfields and an occasional small town diner or bait shop, I couldn't help but feel at home and slightly homesick. Me, cruising by in my Jeep Grand Cherokee, sweater, slacks, and slipper shoes that couldn't withstand a puddle on the sidewalk, much less the muddy fields that whisked by my window. Despite all appearances, my heart yearned to pull over and run freely across the lush sea of grass and pine groves in some feable attempt to capture a piece of my childhood.
Arriving at ECUs DPT building, I get out of my car, ready to put my best foot forward and convince the world (and myself) that I can do anything, molding myself into the picture of business.
Just as I lock my door, I catch a glimpse of my reflection. I hardly recognize myself, and startled, I take a longer look. Where is that carefree little girl who dreamed big and truly believed anything is possible? Where is that free spirit that takes off across fields and leaps into lakes, rivers, and oceans with reckless abandon? A hardened, all business exterior gives just a tad, and I find her... a twinkle in my eye and then a joyful smile.
Amidst all the chaos, I can't lose track of who I am and who I want to be. I can't be what the world wants me to be, rather who God made me to be. That is why I am going to PT school... not for the lettes behind my name or to join in the rat race of getting ahead by impressing people and pushing a stone up a hill each day, but because that is where God is calling me, because I find joy in helping people like that, because I can use it internationally on missions, because living recklessly for the Kingdom is more fulfilling than anything this world can ever offer me, because I can stay joyfully childlike and not lose track of that twinkle in my eye.
January 1st, 2009
A glimmer of hope, encouragement as I ponder the future. Talking to Meg (Casciere) last night, the unlikely missionary in many ways. Listening to her chatter on about living in Brazil and going to Peru and Visas and buses...
Then at the guys' house, she dives into a similar discussion. My mind wondered as she echoed our earlier talk and then Sam (Matus) turns to me: "I can see you doing something like that." Jerked back to reality, scrambling for what 'that' might be, I realized Meg was still talking about missions abroad. Relief, hope, excitement - Yes! I hope so! I see myself doing that too! But how, where, when, what? What can I offer now?
So, this afternoon, as I explored PT opportunities - specialties, fellowships, residencies, in Vail, CO... wow- but does that help with missions stuff? How does it fit? Does it? A crossroads or a multi-late highway? I guess I am getting a little ahead of myself - I have to get into PT school first. [hehehe, done :)]
And then, randomly, I began searching for the Rhodes hospital in Kenya. Moving desire to go and help, to DO something. Can I go this summer? What a way to head into PT school this fall.
...
A joy I haven't felt in ages! But there are plenty of obstacles.
[Don't worry... just be patient and give it all to God and He will take it and mold it how He wishes]
January 27th (2 days before the acceptance note)
[recently chatted with one of my Czech friends about a Christian medical conference he is going to in February]
That got me searching... Lord, I want to serve you abroad... Uganda, Kenya, South America; my desire is to go. A-J's quotes [missionary quotes she posted] resonate. I know it's not easy and is not as glamorous as I perhaps imagine, but my heart feels so there! I want to go. Please use me, oh God, please use me.
[However, not my will but Yours be done.]
And now, back to today. Kevin's Invisible Children. Victor coming to our body and plugging in with college group.
A door has been opened; my heart has awakened in many ways, but I stand here with open hands. I am willing, Lord, have Your way with me.
With that, I began looking back over my journals from the past 6 months or so to investigate just how God did get me here...
It all started probably with going to Czech 2 years ago (nothing like going international to ignite an international heart :) and then seeking a career I could go internationally with. I was leaning towards PT a lot, but couldn't find very many opportunities overseas. Then, graduation came.
Shortly after, I was blessed to meet and talk to Laura Rhodes. Her husband is a missionary doctor in Kenya. She encouraged me so much by talking about how much they need physical therapists there, and also just hearing a tiny bit of a first hand account of their life there.
Then, God sent me down to the tiny town of Springfield, Colorado to get PT hours with the PT there. She originally went into physical therapy for the mission opportunities, and so I spent a week talking about those opportunities with her, and finally spending time with a PT I didn't feel was just "pushing a rock up a hill" each day.
September 25th on a day trip to Greenville, NC to visit East Carolina University's PT Dept.
Fall has quickly set in, and with it comes a sense of nostalgia. As I drove down two lane roads between cottonfields and an occasional small town diner or bait shop, I couldn't help but feel at home and slightly homesick. Me, cruising by in my Jeep Grand Cherokee, sweater, slacks, and slipper shoes that couldn't withstand a puddle on the sidewalk, much less the muddy fields that whisked by my window. Despite all appearances, my heart yearned to pull over and run freely across the lush sea of grass and pine groves in some feable attempt to capture a piece of my childhood.
Arriving at ECUs DPT building, I get out of my car, ready to put my best foot forward and convince the world (and myself) that I can do anything, molding myself into the picture of business.
Just as I lock my door, I catch a glimpse of my reflection. I hardly recognize myself, and startled, I take a longer look. Where is that carefree little girl who dreamed big and truly believed anything is possible? Where is that free spirit that takes off across fields and leaps into lakes, rivers, and oceans with reckless abandon? A hardened, all business exterior gives just a tad, and I find her... a twinkle in my eye and then a joyful smile.
Amidst all the chaos, I can't lose track of who I am and who I want to be. I can't be what the world wants me to be, rather who God made me to be. That is why I am going to PT school... not for the lettes behind my name or to join in the rat race of getting ahead by impressing people and pushing a stone up a hill each day, but because that is where God is calling me, because I find joy in helping people like that, because I can use it internationally on missions, because living recklessly for the Kingdom is more fulfilling than anything this world can ever offer me, because I can stay joyfully childlike and not lose track of that twinkle in my eye.
January 1st, 2009
A glimmer of hope, encouragement as I ponder the future. Talking to Meg (Casciere) last night, the unlikely missionary in many ways. Listening to her chatter on about living in Brazil and going to Peru and Visas and buses...
Then at the guys' house, she dives into a similar discussion. My mind wondered as she echoed our earlier talk and then Sam (Matus) turns to me: "I can see you doing something like that." Jerked back to reality, scrambling for what 'that' might be, I realized Meg was still talking about missions abroad. Relief, hope, excitement - Yes! I hope so! I see myself doing that too! But how, where, when, what? What can I offer now?
So, this afternoon, as I explored PT opportunities - specialties, fellowships, residencies, in Vail, CO... wow- but does that help with missions stuff? How does it fit? Does it? A crossroads or a multi-late highway? I guess I am getting a little ahead of myself - I have to get into PT school first. [hehehe, done :)]
And then, randomly, I began searching for the Rhodes hospital in Kenya. Moving desire to go and help, to DO something. Can I go this summer? What a way to head into PT school this fall.
...
A joy I haven't felt in ages! But there are plenty of obstacles.
[Don't worry... just be patient and give it all to God and He will take it and mold it how He wishes]
January 27th (2 days before the acceptance note)
[recently chatted with one of my Czech friends about a Christian medical conference he is going to in February]
That got me searching... Lord, I want to serve you abroad... Uganda, Kenya, South America; my desire is to go. A-J's quotes [missionary quotes she posted] resonate. I know it's not easy and is not as glamorous as I perhaps imagine, but my heart feels so there! I want to go. Please use me, oh God, please use me.
[However, not my will but Yours be done.]
And now, back to today. Kevin's Invisible Children. Victor coming to our body and plugging in with college group.
A door has been opened; my heart has awakened in many ways, but I stand here with open hands. I am willing, Lord, have Your way with me.
God made me a cake
Yesterday, whether I knew it or not, turned out to be a pivotal day in the life of this adventurer. Yesterday morning, I woke up and went about my normal morning routine. Grabbed some fruit for breakfast, took a shower, etc. etc. Then I sat down with my Bible and opened up to Psalm 6. In it, David is pleading with God to remove the current trials in his life. He cries out "How long? How long, O Lord?" His soul is anguish and he appeals to what he knows is true about the Lord, His unfailing love.
The past month or so, I feel as if I have been bouncing along the bottom of myself, just struggling with a lot looking for yet another job and looking to the future not knowing where to even begin. Once again, kicked back stairing up at a hallway full of doors afraid to try too many for fear of rejection after rejection. Also, discouraged a little by how college ministry has started off this semester and just an overall loneliness out here on the East Coast.
So, I am identifying with David over the past few days in his cries for help. Please hear me, Lord! Not physically, but just emotionally I'm done. Financially, if you don't show up, then I am sunk! What do I do? Am I forced to leave? These thoughts just sent me into a spiral, and at the bottom, with David, I'm crying "how long? help me!"
Just finishing up with my quiet time, a familiar "Ding!" comes from the direction of my laptop. You've got mail. "Probably just some stupid spam," I think as I lean over to investigate. I recognize the sender as a lady from the University of Florida PT Department and immediately scan over to the subject: UF DPT Acceptance. Holding my breath (I was expecting a letter in the snail mail in mid-February...) I click to reveal the contents. Pinching myself, I realize that she is telling me that they are offering me a position in their program for this fall! My packet is coming, but she wanted to give me the great news immediately. Overcome, I begin jumping and dancing all around my house bursting with joy. Once I finally somewhat collected myself (I'm still not quite myself :), I laughed and was overwhelmed with God's goodness and faithfulness.
How long, huh? About 5 minutes, my child, just you wait! I am opening a door for you and giving you the desires of your heart, the ones I gave you in the first place.
Okay, so I am doing this Daniel fast. Over the past year in Colorado, when someone got accepted into grad school, we would get a cake and celebrate. As much as I wanted to go out and grab a latte and some cake to celebrate, I realized that that wasn't possible. Little did I know, God was making me a cake :) A little later, one of our Bible study girls calls and needs a mixer to make icing for a cake she is making for Bible study. She is so uberly excited about making us this cake, and enthusiastically makes sure I am going to be at Bible study tonight. This is not a Bible study I normally attend because I lead the other one, but how eagerly she wanted me to come just struck me. I met up with her to deliver the mixer, and she was just as excited about making this cake and having us eat it this evening. My face must have given it away, because her face just fell as she remembered we were on the fast and wouldn't be able to try it after all. I scrambled a bit and told her we might have to make an exception, something that had already run across my mind after talking with her on the phone. This fast is meant to draw closer to God, not to be an obstacle in fellowship, and I felt like serving and loving this friend would be dying to myself and my pride of going 3 weeks on fruits and vegetables and eating a piece of cake at Bible study that night.
It was only after Amber came home and I announced my good news and told her the story of the Colorado cakes, then later we talked about Bible study that she said "Totally, you have to have a piece of cake to celebrate!" Hannah had been planning to make this cake for a week, and God knew it would encourage me so. He made this cake for me and allowed me to eat it. Random, but He cares so much about the little things and can even orchestrate little things like that!
Although, I did eat the cake, and it was amazing, it didn't have it's usual hold over me... I was more joyous in sharing this celebration with dear sisters and celebrating God's faithfulness than with actually eating the cake. Exciting seeing how this fast is bringing me closer to my Savior and He is in fact answering prayers quite directly. O Praise Him!
Isaiah 25:1
The past month or so, I feel as if I have been bouncing along the bottom of myself, just struggling with a lot looking for yet another job and looking to the future not knowing where to even begin. Once again, kicked back stairing up at a hallway full of doors afraid to try too many for fear of rejection after rejection. Also, discouraged a little by how college ministry has started off this semester and just an overall loneliness out here on the East Coast.
So, I am identifying with David over the past few days in his cries for help. Please hear me, Lord! Not physically, but just emotionally I'm done. Financially, if you don't show up, then I am sunk! What do I do? Am I forced to leave? These thoughts just sent me into a spiral, and at the bottom, with David, I'm crying "how long? help me!"
Just finishing up with my quiet time, a familiar "Ding!" comes from the direction of my laptop. You've got mail. "Probably just some stupid spam," I think as I lean over to investigate. I recognize the sender as a lady from the University of Florida PT Department and immediately scan over to the subject: UF DPT Acceptance. Holding my breath (I was expecting a letter in the snail mail in mid-February...) I click to reveal the contents. Pinching myself, I realize that she is telling me that they are offering me a position in their program for this fall! My packet is coming, but she wanted to give me the great news immediately. Overcome, I begin jumping and dancing all around my house bursting with joy. Once I finally somewhat collected myself (I'm still not quite myself :), I laughed and was overwhelmed with God's goodness and faithfulness.
How long, huh? About 5 minutes, my child, just you wait! I am opening a door for you and giving you the desires of your heart, the ones I gave you in the first place.
Okay, so I am doing this Daniel fast. Over the past year in Colorado, when someone got accepted into grad school, we would get a cake and celebrate. As much as I wanted to go out and grab a latte and some cake to celebrate, I realized that that wasn't possible. Little did I know, God was making me a cake :) A little later, one of our Bible study girls calls and needs a mixer to make icing for a cake she is making for Bible study. She is so uberly excited about making us this cake, and enthusiastically makes sure I am going to be at Bible study tonight. This is not a Bible study I normally attend because I lead the other one, but how eagerly she wanted me to come just struck me. I met up with her to deliver the mixer, and she was just as excited about making this cake and having us eat it this evening. My face must have given it away, because her face just fell as she remembered we were on the fast and wouldn't be able to try it after all. I scrambled a bit and told her we might have to make an exception, something that had already run across my mind after talking with her on the phone. This fast is meant to draw closer to God, not to be an obstacle in fellowship, and I felt like serving and loving this friend would be dying to myself and my pride of going 3 weeks on fruits and vegetables and eating a piece of cake at Bible study that night.
It was only after Amber came home and I announced my good news and told her the story of the Colorado cakes, then later we talked about Bible study that she said "Totally, you have to have a piece of cake to celebrate!" Hannah had been planning to make this cake for a week, and God knew it would encourage me so. He made this cake for me and allowed me to eat it. Random, but He cares so much about the little things and can even orchestrate little things like that!
Although, I did eat the cake, and it was amazing, it didn't have it's usual hold over me... I was more joyous in sharing this celebration with dear sisters and celebrating God's faithfulness than with actually eating the cake. Exciting seeing how this fast is bringing me closer to my Savior and He is in fact answering prayers quite directly. O Praise Him!
Isaiah 25:1
